Being good enough — letting go of ‘exceptional’.
Since lockdown in 2021 I notice a gradual ebbing away of my confidence in myself. Self doubt has been nipping at my heels. I’ve been doing all sorts to try and get rid of it. I recognise it as my old friend ‘IMPOSTER SYNDROME’. This part of me tries to protect me from failure and humiliation by forming the believe that I’m not good enough.
Do you have a part of you that does this too?
I trust I am not alone. It’s part of the human condition and it’s exacerbated by the modern culture. I’ve been re=reading Mark Manson’s masterpiece ‘The Subtle Art of Not Giving A F***’ to try and remind me of some things. I’m only up to page 70 and already I’m reminded of a basic thing that culture does:
“All day, every day, we are flooded with the truly extraordinary. The best of the best and the worst of the worst. The greatest physical feats. The funniest jokes. The most upsetting news. The scariest threats. Nonstop”.
Mark reminds me that in this odd culture of bombardment ‘exceptional’ is considered normal and to be average is to fail. He reminds me that in our desire and need to be special we will try and be at one end of the bell curve — to be exceptionally successful or believe we are exceptionally bad. This polarising ignores the need for balance, across multiple disciplines, and the acceptance of being ordinary.
A few other choice reminders from the book:
- The mind automatically finds ways to invent problems if it has a lack — this reminds me to practice gratitude and recognition of the privilege and ease of my life
- Finding something important and meaningful in your life is perhaps the most productive use of your time and energy — this remind me to refresh my purpose and manifesto and look at what training I would like to do next.
- The backwards law reminds me that the desire for more positive experiences is itself a negative experience. And, paradoxically, the acceptance of one’s negative experiences is itself a positive experience.
- As my friend Cedar says — nothing is wrong — nothing is wrong with me, or with you, even though the mind constantly tries to use comparison, control and craving to convince you there is something wrong. Of course the caveat to that is that you can still make mistakes — but don’t condemn them as wrong.
- The capitalist society wants us to give a f*** about everything that is unimportant, including other people’s opinions of us. This worry makes them money! So F*** this. The subtle art of not giving a f*** is about caring less about trivia and focusing ones attention on what truly matters.
- F*** our feelings. We cannot let them ‘drive the bus’. love the phrase ‘’I feel like shit today, but who gives a f***?” and then I can magically stop hating myself for feeling bad and just crack on.
This is just one of the ways that helps me to overcome the imposter syndrome. What about you? What helps you remember what is important, what is real and what to give less f***s about?
If you’d like help figuring that out hire me to coach you. First session is free!
